“If you don’t have a dream, how are you going to make it come true?” -Oscar Hammerstein

It's been awhile. Whoops. And this girl was trying to be more diligent about keeping up with this. There's really no excuse. I've just been living the dream. Ish.

I started at Vail Resorts last week and I've only been in the office 5 days. And let me tell you.. I'm in love. This job is, as I've thought from the beginning, perfect for me. I get to work with great people, I help not only assist the people in our resort communities, but also the environment around them all while working for an awesome, awesome, AWESOME company. I mean, let's be honest, a company that has the makings for any Starbucks drink you could imagine in the employee lounge can't be all that bad, right?

I also moved into my temporary home, FINALLY! My roommate is super nice and the condo is great and in a perfect location. Unfortunately my sublease only goes until June 30th so I'll need to continue my housing hunt, but this will definitely do for now. Eventually I'll try and get a video tour posted on here. But let's be honest, it could be months before I get around to that.

I've also nailed down a part time serving job too. It involves one of my favorite restaurants that happens to serve a lot of beer. Needless to say, I'll be in heaven. Well, as close as I can come to it while working in a freaking restaurant again. Words can't express how much I'm not looking forward to the mundane rolling of silverware again. It is THEE worst side work ever. Except for that time I had to clean each individual grate of the salad cooler. If you're ever feeling bad about your job or thinking about dropping out of school, do a couple night's worth of side work for a server. You'll be bound and determined to make your situation work.

So everything is going well as can be expected. Money is a little (lot) tight right now. Being unemployed for nearly 2 months and moving across the country will do that to you. Hopefully I'll be back in my feet in a month or two and I can feel a little more adventurous. And finally get some snow pants so I can abuse my season pass for what little of it is still left. Yep, just livin the dream. At least my version of it.

"Each of us, in our own way, has got to do something. Save your soul, ya know. Whatever that is." --180 Degrees South

I don't want to give a falsification as far as the difficulties I've encountered through this craziness the past couple of months. Sometimes I think some feel like I quit my full time job, got rid of my apartment, moved across the country, and everything was as perfect as can be. Let me assure you, that is far from the truth. The truth is I had an extreme breakdown while on the phone with my parents one night in the midst of all of this. I've never had a nervous breakdown and never really had anxiety, but in that moment I'm pretty sure I was displaying signs of all of the above.

Truthfully, I simply try to stay as positive as possible in difficult situations. Almost to a fault. Thinking of all the ways something can go wrong is not my forte. Thankfully, I have parents who knock me back down to earth when my head gets clouded with visions that are too big for me. It has not been easy.

I moved across the country after quitting my job (that I was extremely unhappy at), finding a subleaser for my apartment (that I was paying way too much for on a salary that was not able to support living in the Chicago suburbs), and moved across the country on the little bit of savings I had... hoping for something better. Hoping to 'live the dream' and find whatever it is I'm looking for. I think I'm on my way.

I love living in Colorado. I've lived here for about a month and I still don't get sick of walking outside and seeing the mountains. Knowing all the possibilities they hold. Something in my mind, instilled by my Grandma and Grandpa, just makes me feel at home when I see the mountains. But as I said, it has not been easy.

I'm staying in my friend's spare bedroom, for the time being. Half of my things are still in the back of my car. The other half are half-heartedly strung throughout this room so I feel at least a little sense of home. For the first 3 weeks I was sleeping on a twin size air mattress. I'm happy to report I've upgraded to a double high queen size air mattress. I don't see myself on a real mattress in the foreseeable future. I did find a more stable place to live, for the time being. I move into a condo on Monday, but the lease only goes until July 1st. Where I live after that? Still up in the air.

I got offered a full time job. With a a great company. But the position was far from what I went to school for. Ultimately, I turned down the opportunity to begin, what I hope to be a long, career at a company I've wanted to work at for years. I start on Tuesday on a part time basis. I turned down the security of a full time job with benefits to do what truly makes me happy. What is best for me, I believe, in the long run. In the mean time, I'll search for a part time serving job to make ends meet. Student loans aren't forgiving, come to find out. And the reality of that is a hard one to take. When all is said and done, I will be working around 50-60 hours a week.

Friends, 'living the dream' takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of sacrifice. If you are unhappy, change it. It won't be easy. It will be hard, and stressful. It will test your patience and sometimes you will feel like everything is falling apart.

It is. Everything will fall apart. And you have to put it back together. But don't complain about the circumstances you are in until you are willing to change them yourself. You are the only one who can. Do any of you truly think that my 'dream' involves waiting tables again? I don't. But if that's what it takes to give me the dream I've always wanted, then so be it. At the end of the day, and your life, the person you have to answer to is yourself. Do you want to look in the mirror at the end of your life or look your kids in their eyes and say you followed the rules? Or do you want to say you followed your dream?

I can assure you that your dream will pay you back ten fold. You just have to let go of your comforts and be willing to take a chance. Everyone has to save their own soul.

And if you need a little push in doing what you love.. check out this movie on Netflix.

180 Degrees South: Conquerors of the Useless

Snow Day

“I love snow for the same reason I love Christmas: It brings people together while time stands still. Cozy couples lazily meandered the streets and children trudged sleds and chased snowballs. No one seemed to be in a rush to experience anything other than the glory of the day, with each other, whenever and however it happened” --Rachel Cohn

"Winter" in the midwest so far had consisted of a slight dusting of snow that barely covered the green grass underneath it. This clearly did not satisfy my undying need for the fluffy white stuff. So you can imagine how excited I was to open my WeatherBug App and read that there was a winter storm warning for Boulder County with a minimum of a foot of snow expected and upwards of 2 feet. I couldn't sleep Thursday night because I was SO excited to wake up and see the snow. I'm pathetic, and I know that. Whatever. It was WELL worth the wait, let me tell you. I woke up to around a foot of snow at 9 and there was no end in sight.

So I talked to Danyell and devised a plan for sledding later that afternoon and informed Danny of the plans and we were ready to go with a case of beer and some farm tire tubes.

The video does a pretty good job of showing you exactly what we did with our day. What it DOESN'T depict, however, is how much we hiked to get to where we were sledding. Another thing it doesn't show? The ridiculous slope we had to walk back up after sledding down, in a foot and a half of fresh powder. Midwest girl couldn't hang, kids. They talk about getting your sea legs? I need to do some work to get my mountain legs.. and lungs for that matter. The powder at the end of the run was well worth it though. Final snow count: 22.6". Awesome.

Here's the video from our Snow Day '12.

Back By Popular Demand

"It doesn’t matter what people tell you. It doesn’t matter what they might say. Sometimes you have to leave home. Sometimes, running away means you’re headed in the exact right direction.” -Practical Magic

Apparently, since I've moved to Colorado, I've been slacking on the whole "communication" thing. Don't worry- those of you who have made comments about this fact are not alone. I wish I could tell you why my Twitter has cobwebs on it or why Facebook has become somewhat stagnant (I think I've done an OKAY job with that...) or why when you text me it takes me all day to respond. What happened to me!? Geesh. So, I decided to start the blog back up. I figure this would be an easy way for me to kind of keep people (friends and family) up to date on what's going on in my life. I mean, I moved across the country for the third time in a year, my life tends to have some interesting stories in it. So I'll just start with the basic catch-all post for the past couple weeks. It's going to be cliff note version, most of you know what's going on by now. I won't bore you... too much.

We'll start from the beginning. I had a bit of a hard time at my last job. I was hired on as one thing and for the first month or so I was doing things that fit perfectly with what I wanted my career to be. Then that changed. Drastically. I was not happy. I went to work dreading what the day would entail. I honestly don't think I'm better than any other job, but there are definitely jobs that I would NEVER want to do. Clerical and administrative mundane things are one of those. I am the kind of person that needs to be constantly challenged and constantly evolving. In my industry, public relations/marketing, you have to constantly be up with the current trends otherwise the brand/company/organization you represent will fall victim to evolving marketplace and left in the dust with the likes of Myspace. So, I spent a lot of time contemplating where I was at in my life. Whether I was happy paying $900 a month for a 421 sq ft apartment and dreading going to work every day. Spoiler alert: I was f*#&ing miserable. So I took matters into my own hands. I searched for a subleaser, I searched for jobs in the Chicago & Peoria areas hoping to stumble upon SOMETHING. Then, a good friend verbally slapped me and called me stupid. I believe his exact words were something like "So... you're going to quit your job, find a subleaser, essentially leaving you with NO commitments and then you're going to move back in with your parents when you've always wanted to live in Colorado? Huh." His "huh" was far from thoughtful. It was more a "Huh. I thought you were smarter than that."

So I decided to move to Colorado after a very promising phone call from the awesome girl I interviewed with at Vail Resorts. She didn't offer me the job, but she offered to get me in at any possible capacity she could muster up. So a few weeks ago I turned my keys over to my subleaser, spent a few days with my family and friends in Peoria and then packed my puppydog and beloved air mattress into Jeep and hit the road west. Let me tell you- Western Nebraska? WOOF.

So here I am. I'm looking out my (borrowed) window in my (borrowed) bedroom at a winter wonderland of a foot of snow in Boulder. I'm currently unemployed.. ish. I'm still doing part time design work with a marketing firm, but those projects have tapered off with the new year it seems except for a few Facebook landing pages here and there.

This past Monday I did meet with Nicky (the girl who interviewed me at Vail Resorts, and I believe someone who could become a very good friend! YAY FRIENDS!) and she mentioned the possibility of doing an internship with Vail Resorts. It would be doing similar work as the job I previously interviewed for and used as a big step to get an in with the company so that when more prominent jobs come available, I'm first in the line up.

I'm also in the process of trying to find a place to live. Which is a job in itself. GEEZ. I have a few prospects that I'm hoping work out, but we'll see in the coming weeks how it plays out. After finding out how much I'll be paying in student loans (Oh. My. God.) I'm gonna need something cheap for the next 45 years. Thank goodness for financial hardship forbearance for a couple of months!

So this is where I stand for those of you who are looking for more of a bullet point look into life from my air mattress:
-I moved to Colorado, it is awesome.
-I hike a lot.
-I take Max for a lot of walks.
-Snow is awesome.
-I'm in the process of getting my DREAM. JOB.
-I need a place to live.
-Student loans can kiss my ass.

I promise to try and be more diligent about updating you all on my life through this. I'm sorry it's not as personal as a phone call.. It's so difficult to keep in touch with everyone I adore. There's literally way too many of you. I think that's a pretty okay problem to have. I hope this will tide you over from my lack of TweetTweet and Facebook posts and text messages and emails throughout the work day. If it doesn't, text or call me over and over telling me how terrible of a person I am for not keeping you updated on my life. I'll understand. ;) ♥

Rely on no one but yourself

If you're brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to bitter, old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher and if you are prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you. --Eat Pray Love

I finally broke down and watched Eat Pray Love. Everyone had ranted and raved over it and yes- it's just as good as everyone has said. I think I was a little more engrossed in the story line because I related to it so well. The basis, for those who haven't seen it or don't know what I'm talking about, is a woman who goes through a divorce and is moved by her love to travel. She visits all of these exotic places. Alone. She just takes off on a soul mission and just lives it. For those of you who haven't talked to me lately, this may come as a surprise to you- I've become very gypsy (in a good way) and hippy like. That's for another post. But that is my mindset. I feel very free. That's a great way to put it. And how did this all happen? Well, folks, that's where the length of this post comes in.

I made up my mind to move to Florida 2 weeks before I did it. Peoria held nothing for me anymore. My family is there, don't get me wrong. But it just felt empty. Friends who I had relied on for years had better things to do on my birthday than come see me before I left to move 1,200 miles away with little idea as to the time period it would be before I saw them again. The same old routine was waiting for me if I took the absolutely amazing door opening internship opportunity I was offered. I would work my ass off at my internship, hope I would get some inside access to big companies in Peoria and get no pay, so I would have no choice but to work nights at Longhorn. Again. When I really thought about it I felt like I was going backwards in life. There's a lot to this big world and the thought of not seeing all of it is sometimes too much for me to handle. There is so much beauty, so many people, so many experiences- and Peoria had exhausted all of the above for me in my mind. Peoria/Chillicothe still holds a very close place in my heart. My absolutely amazing family is (mostly) all there and I will always go back to them. But some of my very best friends are no longer there. And that's a big part of who I am; they are very much part of my family. So it's weird to think about going back home and not seeing them. It makes it feel not so much like home anymore. Which brings me to my next thought I've had the past couple of months.

Home is a foreign concept to me since I moved out of my parent's house. All of my stuff is in storage. In Florida I have pictures and clothes and Max. That's about it. Going home is now staying in the guest bedroom and making sure I leave it (somewhat) immaculate when I leave. It's not my room anymore. I can't just leave my things all over the place. I feel the need to call and make sure that it's okay if I come back for a few days. It's all a very new concept for me and something I've been working through in my time in Florida.

My time here has been used for a lot of that- reflection. I moved down here only knowing my roommates. They're great, don't get me wrong, but my roomskies are dating each other. And at the end of the day it's painstakingly clear that I'm alone. That's not a bad thing. When I first moved here it was. I was depressed and doubted my decision to move to a place where I knew no one. I went to work and came home to spend more time alone. I would go to the beach with just myself. A lot of times I was self conscious so I would take Max. If there's anything I've learned- if you have a dog with you, you don't look so lame. :) After awhile, though, I decided I needed to get over it. I needed to learn to embrace this for what it was: an adventure. And since then- I've loved every second of it. I'm open to new experiences and I feel like a new person. I am so open that I could pile every experience in the world into myself and still want more. I want to travel. I want to talk to people. I want to learn from people. I want to experience new cultures. Ladies and gentleman, I've been bit by the travel bug. But it's more than that.

I've become extremely proud of myself. I moved to a place where I knew no one and have made the best of it. I take the negativity and turn it completely around. Old disputes are far behind me (even though they're totally still entertaining to talk about) and past upsets I've held inside are almost gone. I'm working through that still.

I think everyone needs an experience like this. To be completely and utterly alone. To rely on no one but yourself. In the end- YOU are the only person you can count on. You control your thoughts, your actions, your love. You cannot control anyone else's. Once you're at peace with your own thoughts, your own actions, your own love- then you can accept other's. I used to be surrounded by people every single day. I needed to feel wanted and at home. Every human has that undying need for affection. Now, though, I'm okay if I don't have it. I'm okay sitting at home on a Friday night and reflecting on everything in my life that has gone haywire to bring me this moment. There is so much of my life still left and to wish away 8 months of my life is something most people don't have the pleasure(?) to do.

So I'm here. In all of this. Completely absorbing all that is around me. From people to surroundings to the rain falling outside- every piece of it. Because if you can't absorb every piece of life that is handed to you, what can you take away from this life?

Change

“Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”

Generally when I go home it's a whirlwind of a time trying to see each and every one of my friends. There's only so many lunches and dinners and funds to support those meetings to go around. Things are changing though. My best friends are leaving and moving onto bigger and better things. Ang moved to Colorado. Shannon moved to Cali. Crystal and Alex are in Florida. Kate is in Arizona. Jacob is in DC. Katie and Teri moved to Colorado. Ronnie moved to Nebraska and potentially Montana in May. Danny is moving to Colorado at the beginning of the year. Excuse me for the explicitness of this, but, what the FUCK?

First off, let's be serious. PISSED that Ang, Danny, Katie AND Teri are making it to Colorado before me. That's been my dream for the past couple of years and I still haven't made it happen. How rude. Second, I'm truly happy for every one of them. All of these moves are for such great opportunities for all of them. But let's get real- I'm so sad. Yes, I'm moving around the country too, but I don't like that everyone else got that idea in their head too. Knock it off kids. Think about your selfish friend, Nicky, who wants you to be able to fit in my pocket and come with me everywhere I go. With you getting your heads all filled with western dreams- It makes it difficult to scoop you all up in Chillicothe and slip you in my back pocket. NOT A FAN. You're making this difficult.

So, I guess what all of the above tells me is that I need to make it out west. Because 99% of the people that are moving/have moved are taking up residency out there. I guess the good news is that when/if I decide to take a massive road trip after I graduate I'll never have to worry about paying for a hotel room. Because I'm going to be shacking like nobody's business. And I know I'm missing people that have moved. I have friends/family in: Illinois Indiana, Iowa, Nebraska, North Carolina, Texas, Florida, Colorado, New Mexico, Arizona, California, Oregon, South Dakota, Minnesota, Tennessee, New Hampshire.. and I know I'm forgetting some.

I mean, come ON guys. At least stay in the same area/time zone. I don't even have a credit card with frequent flyer miles, but it's looking like I need to invest in one. Maybe then I won't be QUITE as frustrated. Also, all of you get skype. Kapeesh?

In other news- I'm headed to Tennessee tomorrow. I have an interview with St. Jude on Wednesday. No big deal. SIKE. I'm so excited I could pee.